Stephen Curry (Warriors): You wanted it, and you got it! Your 2015 NBA Finals: MVP Stephen Curry and the mighty Golden State Warriors vs. Kyrie Injur-ving and the Cleveland Referees!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Oh, screw you, Curry. It’s more like: a team full of players without a ring vs. a team full of players with rings!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): OR: a team that has won a ring vs. a team that has not won a ring.
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): OR: you can kiss my butt because we’re gonna ANNIHILATE you!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Nuh-uh!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Uh-huh!
Chris Paul (Clippers): Oh shut up! I can’t believe we’re gonna have to listen to this throughout the rest of the finals.
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Listen to what?
Chris Paul (Clippers): You, Curry! You’re about as mature as your daughter. I hope Kyrie wins. Go Cavaliers!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Yay! Thanks, Chris!
Chris Paul (Clippers): Not because I like you, Irving. Just because I hate Curry.
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Wow, someone’s salty after choking away their season. Well there can’t be anyone else that hates the mighty Stephen Curry!
Mike Conley (Grizzlies): I’m right here! Go Cavaliers!
Patrick Beverley (Rockets): Beg to differ!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): YOU, Beverley?!
Patrick Beverley (Rockets): Yes, Mr. Curry. You were considerably rude to my organization last week, and although I still respect you as a player as well as your team, I must wish that Mr. Irving wins the finals. Go Cavaliers!
Mike Conley (Grizzlies): That’s about as close to an insult as you’ll ever get from Beverley.
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Ha! Suck it, Curry! Everyone wants me to win!
Jeff Teague (Hawks): Not quite. Go Warriors!
John Wall (Wizards): Not at all. Go Warriors!
Derrick Rose (Bulls): Go Curry!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): C’mon guys! You don’t want someone from the stupid Western Conference to win, do you?
Derrick Rose (Bulls): We don’t want someone that’s stupid period to win, either. Hope you get demolished, Irving. Go Warriors!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Your leg already did the last time you jumped, Rose.
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Well it feels like all the East point guards want the West team to win, and all the West points guards want the East team to win!
Russell Westbrook (Thunder): Actually, I feel I owe Curry one. Even though he’s annoying, he did destroy the stupid Pelicans. Go Warriors!
Jrue Holiday (Pelicans): Screw you, Westbrook. You’re just mad because we got the last playoff spot. Just for that: Go Cavaliers!
Isaiah Thomas (Celtics): I’m also going with Cleveland on this one. He did beat us, but it would be cool to say that we only lost because we had to play the CHAMPS in the first round. Go Cavaliers!
Jordan Clarkson (Lakers): Actually, you only lost because you guys suck.
Chris Paul (Clippers): Oh man, it’s the rivalry renewed! Lakers vs. Celtics! Wilt Chamberlain vs. Bill Russell! To Magic Johnson vs. Larry Bird! To Kobe Bryant vs. Paul Pierce! To… Jordan Clarkson vs. Isaiah Thomas?
Jeff Teague (Hawks): They just don’t belong in the same sentence.
Isaiah Thomas (Celtics): Neither does “Jordan Clarkson” and “starting point guard”
Jordan Clarkson (Lakers): Screw you, Thomas! Just because you’re rooting for Cleveland, I’m taking Golden State! Go Warriors!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Well it’s 5-5. How about first to eleven in Cavaliers vs. Warriors wins?
Stephen Curry (Warriors): You’re on.
Tony Parker (Spurs): How about first to four rings in Parker vs. every single other point guard here wins?
Tony Parker (Spurs): Oh wait… I already won that one.
Rajon Rondo (Mavericks): Ha! I’m the only other one here with a ring!
Damian Lillard (Blazers): You’re also the only other one here without a jump-shot.
Tony Parker (Spurs): Anyways, I’m going with Irving on this one. Go Cavaliers!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Yay!
Tony Parker (Spurs): Just because I don’t want anyone here to ever catch me in rings, and I feel that's far less likely for Irving.
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Hey!
Rajon Rondo (Mavericks): Well I made a bet with Lillard: either he’d get voted to the All-Star team without being an injury replacement (hahahahaha)...
Damian Lillard (Blazers): Or…
Rajon Rondo (Mavericks): But we said that part sarcastically! It wasn't actually part of the bet!
Damian Lillard (Blazers): OR…
Rajon Rondo (Mavericks): *sigh*. Or... the teams in the finals would have as many titles in the past 40 years as I’d have steals in the postseason. And the champion would have that same amount of titles ever!
Damian Lillard (Blazers): Whis is to say, all zeros! HAHAHAHA! Go Cavaliers -- they haven’t won any titles ever!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): I’m not sure whether or not I should feel happy about the motives you guys have for rooting for me anymore…
Rajon Rondo (Mavericks): Damn you, Lillard. I’m still winning this bet. Go Warriors!
Eric Bledsoe (Suns): I’m also taking Golden State on this one. Atlantic Division represent! Go Warriors!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Hey, Carter-Williams! Central Division represent?
Michael Carter-Williams (Bucks): Nah. Non-retards division represent. Sorry, Irving. Go Warriors!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Oooh and Curry takes an 8-7 lead!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): I’m getting three more.
Stephen Curry (Warriors): I’ll be saying that all throughout the finals every time I shoot a three.
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): No, LeBron will be saying that after these finals when he wants to get 6 rings like Jordan!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): No, LeBron said that when he joined the Heat in 2010. He was talking about finals losses.
Goran Dragic (Heat): Speaking of zee LeBrün Jämz, I vant he... uhh.. lose! He vuz bad to my uhh… Heat! Go Varriors!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): You know, Dragic, just because you talk with a Slovenian accent, doesn’t mean you have to write with one too.
Stephen Curry (Warriors): And you know, Irving, just because you talk like a retard, doesn’t mean you have to write like one too.
Kemba Walker (Hornets): No! I’m not taking any more of this, Curry. I’ve seen the way you make fun of people. Couldn’t stand to see you win the finals. Go Cavaliers!
Chris Paul (Clippers): Ha! Curry making fun of people actually coming back to bite him! What poetic justice!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Actually, Chris, poetic justice would be you choking away the series to Beverley after ripping on him that you were up 3-1.
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Oh wait…
Chris Paul (Clippers): You’re never going to let that go, are you?
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Oh crap. Curry got the lead, 9-8.
Ty Lawson (Nuggets): And extends it! Screw you, Irving. Go Warriors!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): What? Lawson, I thought we really had something!
Ty Lawson (Nuggets): Yeah, it’s called hatred. You went to Duke and I went to UNC, remember?
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Damn. If Curry didn’t go to such a crappy basketball school like Davidson, then I could find rivals of his school!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): And if you didn’t play against such a crappy conference and a crappy division, then I could find rivals of you.
Reggie Jackson (Pistons): You know, just for that Curry, I hope you lose. Don’t insult my central division like that. Go Cavaliers!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Damn. Well, anyways, I’m up 10-9, so just one more vote and I win! Who’s the last important point guard that we haven’t asked yet?
Deron Williams (Nets): Guys, it’s really awkward to put me in this position…
Stephen Curry (Warriors): NOT YOU, DICK-FACE. Lowry? The greatest, most respected point guard of all?
Deron Williams (Nets): Kill yourself, Curry. Just for that, I’m rooting against you. 10-10 in Curry vs. Irving! Next vote wins! Go Cavaliers!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Curry’s just sucking up to you, Kyle. You know that me and you are actually bros and I look up to you every day, right Kyle?
Kyle Lowry (Raptors): Don’t call me that. It’s Lowry to you.
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Ha! You tell him, Kyle!
Kyle Lowry (Raptors): That’s also Lowry to you, Curry..
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Pick me! Pick me!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): No! Screw him! Pick me!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Pick me!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Me!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): M-
Kyle Lowry (Raptors): SHUT UP!
Kyle Lowry (Raptors): Ugh can’t you guys just both lose? You’re so annoying!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): He’s more annoying!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): I’m not annoying at all. YOU’RE more annoying!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): No, you are!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): No, y-
Kyle Lowry (Raptors): SHUT UP!
Kyle Lowry (Raptors): You guys do realize that what we hope happens actually means nothing, right? The only thing that matters is who actually wins.
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Holy crap, he’s right!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): What’re you talking about? I need you guys’ support!
Kyle Lowry (Raptors): Anyways, I have my decision. I will root against the one that is more annoying. Which is...
Stephen Curry (Warriors): I’m coming to a realization. None of this even matters…
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): I need to win! Curry’s more annoying!
Kyle Lowry (Raptors): You know, just for that Irving: I was going to root for you, but now I’m going with Curry. Go Warriors!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): WHAT?! NOOO…
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): I mean, what I meant to say was: “Pffft… Who cares? This doesn’t even matter. We’re gonna win anyways!”
Stephen Curry (Warriors): You’re right, Irving it doesn’t ma-
Stephen Curry (Warriors): I mean, what I meant to say was: “SUCK IT, IRVING! EVERYONE WANTS ME TO WIN! 11-10, BABY! LET’S GO WARRIORS!”
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Kiss my butt, Curry.
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Suck my balls, Irving.
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Oh, screw you, Curry. It’s more like: a team full of players without a ring vs. a team full of players with rings!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): OR: a team that has won a ring vs. a team that has not won a ring.
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): OR: you can kiss my butt because we’re gonna ANNIHILATE you!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Nuh-uh!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Uh-huh!
Chris Paul (Clippers): Oh shut up! I can’t believe we’re gonna have to listen to this throughout the rest of the finals.
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Listen to what?
Chris Paul (Clippers): You, Curry! You’re about as mature as your daughter. I hope Kyrie wins. Go Cavaliers!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Yay! Thanks, Chris!
Chris Paul (Clippers): Not because I like you, Irving. Just because I hate Curry.
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Wow, someone’s salty after choking away their season. Well there can’t be anyone else that hates the mighty Stephen Curry!
Mike Conley (Grizzlies): I’m right here! Go Cavaliers!
Patrick Beverley (Rockets): Beg to differ!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): YOU, Beverley?!
Patrick Beverley (Rockets): Yes, Mr. Curry. You were considerably rude to my organization last week, and although I still respect you as a player as well as your team, I must wish that Mr. Irving wins the finals. Go Cavaliers!
Mike Conley (Grizzlies): That’s about as close to an insult as you’ll ever get from Beverley.
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Ha! Suck it, Curry! Everyone wants me to win!
Jeff Teague (Hawks): Not quite. Go Warriors!
John Wall (Wizards): Not at all. Go Warriors!
Derrick Rose (Bulls): Go Curry!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): C’mon guys! You don’t want someone from the stupid Western Conference to win, do you?
Derrick Rose (Bulls): We don’t want someone that’s stupid period to win, either. Hope you get demolished, Irving. Go Warriors!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Your leg already did the last time you jumped, Rose.
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Well it feels like all the East point guards want the West team to win, and all the West points guards want the East team to win!
Russell Westbrook (Thunder): Actually, I feel I owe Curry one. Even though he’s annoying, he did destroy the stupid Pelicans. Go Warriors!
Jrue Holiday (Pelicans): Screw you, Westbrook. You’re just mad because we got the last playoff spot. Just for that: Go Cavaliers!
Isaiah Thomas (Celtics): I’m also going with Cleveland on this one. He did beat us, but it would be cool to say that we only lost because we had to play the CHAMPS in the first round. Go Cavaliers!
Jordan Clarkson (Lakers): Actually, you only lost because you guys suck.
Chris Paul (Clippers): Oh man, it’s the rivalry renewed! Lakers vs. Celtics! Wilt Chamberlain vs. Bill Russell! To Magic Johnson vs. Larry Bird! To Kobe Bryant vs. Paul Pierce! To… Jordan Clarkson vs. Isaiah Thomas?
Jeff Teague (Hawks): They just don’t belong in the same sentence.
Isaiah Thomas (Celtics): Neither does “Jordan Clarkson” and “starting point guard”
Jordan Clarkson (Lakers): Screw you, Thomas! Just because you’re rooting for Cleveland, I’m taking Golden State! Go Warriors!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Well it’s 5-5. How about first to eleven in Cavaliers vs. Warriors wins?
Stephen Curry (Warriors): You’re on.
Tony Parker (Spurs): How about first to four rings in Parker vs. every single other point guard here wins?
Tony Parker (Spurs): Oh wait… I already won that one.
Rajon Rondo (Mavericks): Ha! I’m the only other one here with a ring!
Damian Lillard (Blazers): You’re also the only other one here without a jump-shot.
Tony Parker (Spurs): Anyways, I’m going with Irving on this one. Go Cavaliers!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Yay!
Tony Parker (Spurs): Just because I don’t want anyone here to ever catch me in rings, and I feel that's far less likely for Irving.
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Hey!
Rajon Rondo (Mavericks): Well I made a bet with Lillard: either he’d get voted to the All-Star team without being an injury replacement (hahahahaha)...
Damian Lillard (Blazers): Or…
Rajon Rondo (Mavericks): But we said that part sarcastically! It wasn't actually part of the bet!
Damian Lillard (Blazers): OR…
Rajon Rondo (Mavericks): *sigh*. Or... the teams in the finals would have as many titles in the past 40 years as I’d have steals in the postseason. And the champion would have that same amount of titles ever!
Damian Lillard (Blazers): Whis is to say, all zeros! HAHAHAHA! Go Cavaliers -- they haven’t won any titles ever!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): I’m not sure whether or not I should feel happy about the motives you guys have for rooting for me anymore…
Rajon Rondo (Mavericks): Damn you, Lillard. I’m still winning this bet. Go Warriors!
Eric Bledsoe (Suns): I’m also taking Golden State on this one. Atlantic Division represent! Go Warriors!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Hey, Carter-Williams! Central Division represent?
Michael Carter-Williams (Bucks): Nah. Non-retards division represent. Sorry, Irving. Go Warriors!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Oooh and Curry takes an 8-7 lead!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): I’m getting three more.
Stephen Curry (Warriors): I’ll be saying that all throughout the finals every time I shoot a three.
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): No, LeBron will be saying that after these finals when he wants to get 6 rings like Jordan!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): No, LeBron said that when he joined the Heat in 2010. He was talking about finals losses.
Goran Dragic (Heat): Speaking of zee LeBrün Jämz, I vant he... uhh.. lose! He vuz bad to my uhh… Heat! Go Varriors!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): You know, Dragic, just because you talk with a Slovenian accent, doesn’t mean you have to write with one too.
Stephen Curry (Warriors): And you know, Irving, just because you talk like a retard, doesn’t mean you have to write like one too.
Kemba Walker (Hornets): No! I’m not taking any more of this, Curry. I’ve seen the way you make fun of people. Couldn’t stand to see you win the finals. Go Cavaliers!
Chris Paul (Clippers): Ha! Curry making fun of people actually coming back to bite him! What poetic justice!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Actually, Chris, poetic justice would be you choking away the series to Beverley after ripping on him that you were up 3-1.
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Oh wait…
Chris Paul (Clippers): You’re never going to let that go, are you?
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Oh crap. Curry got the lead, 9-8.
Ty Lawson (Nuggets): And extends it! Screw you, Irving. Go Warriors!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): What? Lawson, I thought we really had something!
Ty Lawson (Nuggets): Yeah, it’s called hatred. You went to Duke and I went to UNC, remember?
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Damn. If Curry didn’t go to such a crappy basketball school like Davidson, then I could find rivals of his school!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): And if you didn’t play against such a crappy conference and a crappy division, then I could find rivals of you.
Reggie Jackson (Pistons): You know, just for that Curry, I hope you lose. Don’t insult my central division like that. Go Cavaliers!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Damn. Well, anyways, I’m up 10-9, so just one more vote and I win! Who’s the last important point guard that we haven’t asked yet?
Deron Williams (Nets): Guys, it’s really awkward to put me in this position…
Stephen Curry (Warriors): NOT YOU, DICK-FACE. Lowry? The greatest, most respected point guard of all?
Deron Williams (Nets): Kill yourself, Curry. Just for that, I’m rooting against you. 10-10 in Curry vs. Irving! Next vote wins! Go Cavaliers!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Curry’s just sucking up to you, Kyle. You know that me and you are actually bros and I look up to you every day, right Kyle?
Kyle Lowry (Raptors): Don’t call me that. It’s Lowry to you.
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Ha! You tell him, Kyle!
Kyle Lowry (Raptors): That’s also Lowry to you, Curry..
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Pick me! Pick me!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): No! Screw him! Pick me!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Pick me!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Me!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): M-
Kyle Lowry (Raptors): SHUT UP!
Kyle Lowry (Raptors): Ugh can’t you guys just both lose? You’re so annoying!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): He’s more annoying!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): I’m not annoying at all. YOU’RE more annoying!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): No, you are!
Stephen Curry (Warriors): No, y-
Kyle Lowry (Raptors): SHUT UP!
Kyle Lowry (Raptors): You guys do realize that what we hope happens actually means nothing, right? The only thing that matters is who actually wins.
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Holy crap, he’s right!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): What’re you talking about? I need you guys’ support!
Kyle Lowry (Raptors): Anyways, I have my decision. I will root against the one that is more annoying. Which is...
Stephen Curry (Warriors): I’m coming to a realization. None of this even matters…
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): I need to win! Curry’s more annoying!
Kyle Lowry (Raptors): You know, just for that Irving: I was going to root for you, but now I’m going with Curry. Go Warriors!
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): WHAT?! NOOO…
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): I mean, what I meant to say was: “Pffft… Who cares? This doesn’t even matter. We’re gonna win anyways!”
Stephen Curry (Warriors): You’re right, Irving it doesn’t ma-
Stephen Curry (Warriors): I mean, what I meant to say was: “SUCK IT, IRVING! EVERYONE WANTS ME TO WIN! 11-10, BABY! LET’S GO WARRIORS!”
Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Kiss my butt, Curry.
Stephen Curry (Warriors): Suck my balls, Irving.