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Choked!

Jeff Teague (Hawks): Hello, fellow point guards! Hope you are all having a fantastic week!

John Wall (Wizards): Screw off, Teague.

Jeff Teague (Hawks): Except you, Wall. I know for a FACT that you are having a TERRIBLE week! AHAHAHAHA!

John Wall (Wizards): Teague, you’re the fifth best player on your own team. How does that make you feel?

Jeff Teague (Hawks): And according to the seeds, YOU’RE the fifth best team in your own conference! How does that make YOU feel? LOL.

John Wall (Wizards): Kill yourself.


Chris Paul (Clippers): Guys, I know you’re all going to make fun of me for our loss. But I have something to say, so if you could all ple-

Stephen Curry (Warriors): BWAHAHAHAHA!

Jeff Teague (Hawks): LOLOLOLOLOL!

Chris Paul (Clippers): Screw you guys.


Jeff Teague (Hawks): Now it’s onto the conference finals for the amazing Jeff Teague! Nobody can possibly stop the mighty Atlanta Hawks!

John Wall (Wizards): You ACTUALLY think you’re going to beat LeBron? You have to be the dumbest person alive.

Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): ‘SUP, LOSERS!

John Wall (Wizards): I stand corrected.

Derrick Rose (Bulls): Kill me now.

Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): AHAHAHAHA! It’s Mr. Glass-Knees!

Derrick Rose (Bulls): And it’s Mr. “I choked so bad that my backup outplayed me”.

Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Oh, Rose-Thorn. I actually feel bad for you. You really gave it your all, and it’s a shame that either of us had to lose.

Derrick Rose (Bulls): You’re screwing with me.

Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): No, really. You’re truly a great point guard, and I look up to you every day as an inspiration.

Derrick Rose (Bulls): Really?

Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Yup. I mean it, buddy. There’s nobody that is better at doing what you do than yourself.

Derrick Rose (Bulls): Wow, thanks man. I really appreciate that.

Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Which is to say, that there’s nobody better than you at CHOKING IN THE PLAYOFFS AND GETTING INJURED! HAHAHAHAHA!

Derrick Rose (Bulls): Kyrie, I hope you played as badly as you did in Game 6 for every game for the rest of your career!


Chris Paul (Clippers): C’mon guys, just let me say something. I know my loss was embarrassing, but it’s not THAT fun-

Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): LMAOLMAOLMAOLMAO!

Stephen Curry (Warriors): I JUST POOPED MY PANTS LAUGHING SO HARD!

Chris Paul (Clippers): You guys really are a bunch of pricks.


Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Now it's onto the Conference Finals for the amazing Kyrie Irving! Nobody can possibly stop the mighty Cleveland Cavaliers!

Jeff Teague (Hawks): EXCUSE ME?!

Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): You're excused.

Jeff Teague (Hawks): There is NO WAY that a team with Matthew Delladova at point guard can defeat the number one seed.

Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): What're you talking about? I'M the point guard, turd-brain. Delladova is my useless backup.

Jeff Teague (Hawks): Really? Let’s check the box score then. Just to make sure.

Jeff Teague (Hawks): Oh! It says here that Delladova played 34 minutes and had 19 points. His useless backup, some guy named K. Irving, only played 12 minutes and had just 6 points with 0 assists. Odd.

Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Teague you idiot, that was just one game. Besides, I have more points per game than you. So you have NO RIGHT to call me a useless backup.

Jeff Teague (Hawks): Well I have more wins than YOU. So you have NO RIGHT to say you’re going to beat me.

Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): We’ll see about that, you Atlanta Chickens.

Jeff Teague (Hawks): Real funny bird joke there, Irving. Lucky for me, I don’t even have to say something funny. You’re team’s championship trophy case is already a joke.


Stephen Curry (Warriors): So is Mike Conley’s shooting! LOL.

Mike Conley (Grizzlies): Curry, I hope you choke to death the next time you make out with your stupid MVP trophy.

Stephen Curry (Warriors): Except you already choked! 3-13 shooting? HAHAHA!

Derrick Rose (Bulls): He pulled a Kyrie Irving.

Mike Conley (Grizzlies): Damnit! We were up 2-1, but then we lost 3 straight! And I was injured!

Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Actually, he pulled a Derrick Rose.

Stephen Curry (Warriors): Oh man, what a beast I was! 32 points! 10 assists! 6 rebounds!

Stephen Curry (Warriors): Let’s take a look at the long list of all the point guards who have ever won MVP and Finals MVP in the same season:

Stephen Curry (Warriors): Magic Johnson… And Stephen Curry!

Mike Conley (Grizzlies): You haven’t won Finals MVP yet, Curry. In fact, you haven’t even made it to the finals. There’s still one more team you have to go through.


Chris Paul (Clippers): Guys, this is REALLY mean. I’m really feeling down about our loss. So if you could NOT laugh at me, I would really apprecia-

Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): BWAHAHAHAHA!

Jeff Teague (Hawks): LOLOLOLOLOL!

Chris Paul (Clippers): Can’t take you guys anymore. I’m out.

Stephen Curry (Warriors): No wait, Chris.

Chris Paul (Clippers): What?

Stephen Curry (Warriors): I didn’t get to finish laughing at you. AHAHAHAHAHA!

Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): Generally, I’d say Curry laughs WAY too much, but this is really funny. LOL!

Chris Paul (Clippers): I hate you guys. I hate you guys so very, very much.


Patrick Beverley (Rockets): Hi everybody! Hope you are all having a great day!

Chris Paul (Clippers): But there’s nobody I hate more than, YOU, Beverley, you incompetent injured waste of space!

Patrick Beverley (Rockets): Oh hello there, Mr. Paul! Congratulations on a great series! It’s a shame that your team couldn’t finish after being up 3-1, but a job well done nonetheless! It was an honor to compete against you, sir.

Chris Paul (Clippers): Kill yourself.

Stephen Curry (Warriors): Well if Beverley is STILL too much of a vagina to say it, then I will:

Stephen Curry (Warriors): Chris, YOU CHOKED SO FREAKIN’ BAD! LMAO YOU WERE UP 3-1 IN THE SERIES! AND 19 IN THE FOURTH QUARTER OF GAME 6! LOL!

Chris Paul (Clippers): I thought I said I was leaving.

Jeff Teague (Hawks): Nice Discount-Double-Choke there, CP3!

Chris Paul (Clippers): The “Discount Double Check” isn’t even MY thing for the State Farm commercials!

Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): I don’t think we should be surprised though, guys. THIS HAPPENS EVERY YEAR WITH HIM! HAHA!

Chris Paul (Clippers): Says the guy who hadn’t even made the playoffs before.

Kyrie Irving (Cavaliers): THAT was just said by the guy who STILL hasn’t even made the Conference Finals before! LMFAO!

Chris Paul (Clippers): *sigh*
 

Stephen Curry (Warriors): You know, Chris. The power of an assist can go a long way.

Chris Paul (Clippers): Hey, that actually IS my State Farm thing!

Stephen Curry (Warriors): As in, you just ASSISTED me in getting to the Finals! LOL. Houston, you have a problem!

James Harden (Rockets): We’ll see about that.

Jeff Teague (Hawks): TO BE CONTINUED…

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